We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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