i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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