hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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