well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Bring me that man meat
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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