So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
