I just saw a hot homeless man
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
