While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
