Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
