it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
