Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to calm my uterus...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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