the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
