I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
