You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
