if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
