oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's shark week go big or go home
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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