you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
