Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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