I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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