If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it hurts more in the daytime
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
