Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
