I think I won the penis lottery.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
