I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
