Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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