i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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