walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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