farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
