Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
