Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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