I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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