apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
