We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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