just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
