Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
