My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's blow job season.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
