Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
