the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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