I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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