i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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