i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
