one might say we're banned from that church
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
