I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
