so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
