would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
