Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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