So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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