Yo dont text me then not text me
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
