you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Damn victory sex feels great
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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