i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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