i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
