walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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