Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
