So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
