Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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