Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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