I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
