You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
